Columns
Here’s a Thought: The Jersey Shore
By Taylor Mason
I wouldn’t know anything about the MTV show “Jersey Shore.” But "the shore," as we call it, is a big part of our lives. ...
Martha's Laugh Lines: "Oh, Yeah?"
By Martha Bolton
I'm a non-confrontational person. It takes me a long time to even realize when someone has been rude or hurtful to me, and even longer to address it.
Here’s a Thought: Christian Scientist Monitor
By Taylor Mason
Separation of church and state: I get it, I’m for it, I’m not even questioning it. But I don’t get the separation of science and church.
Time Out: I So Don’t Scream
By Cara Garretson
Ice cream, that quintessential summer treat loved by all. Except me. It hovers around the bottom of my Top 10 Treats list.
Here’s a Thought: Backtalk
By Taylor Mason
It takes place the middle of July every year, at a non-descript hotel in an obscure suburb of Cincinnati. It is a convention of ventriloquists.
Jokes for the Folks: Where Is President Pelosi?December 03, 2009
By Taylor Mason
Mr. Obama gave a speech at West Point this week, and ordered 30,000 more combat troops into Afghanistan. His plan is clear: we’re sending more troops to win the war that isn’t really a war, but if we don’t win then we’re going to leave by 2011 even if the non-war isn’t over, because that’s the exit strategy that will appease his core voting base, while defining the terms of war that is not a war. At least that’s what the teleprompter and his last advisor said. I feel sorry for Barack. The cover of next month’s Golf Digest magazine (right) shows him prophetically posing with Tiger Woods under the heading, “10 Tips Obama Can Take From Tiger.” These two men have a lot in common: they’re both bi-racial; they love athletics, and their actions have caused embarrassing crashes that are reverberating around the planet.
On the plus side, Obama will fly to Oslo, Norway, on December 9th to accept his Nobel Peace Prize. The down side: then he’ll fly to Afghanistan to turn it in. The bigger story is the firing of Charlie Weis as the head coach for Notre Dame football. The good news: Director of Athletics Jack Swarbrick can use Charlie’s hooded Notre Dame sweatshirts and put a roof over the stadium. More from college football: Florida State’s 80-year-old head football coach Bobby Bowden will retire after the team’s bowl game this season. From State College, Pennsylvania, Penn State’s 82-year-old head coach Joe Paterno asked, “Why is the kid quitting so early?” We’re in full Christmas effect. Cost analysis has revealed that buying all the items in “The 12 Days of Christmas” song would total something like $87,400. We suggest replacing “Five Gold Rings” with “Five Gold Ringtones.” That cuts the cost to $137.84, including the coupon for half-off on three French Hens. A rare 5-carat pink diamond was auctioned off in Hong Kong on this week for $10.8 million. Fedex says it should arrive at Tiger Woods home in Orlando by the weekend. Tiger was inspired to make the purchase by good friend Kobe Bryant. The NBA is in the news, too! Ron Artest told Sports Illustrated he used to drink beer during halftime of Bulls games as a member of the team. No wonder he passed more in the second half! He thought he was being double-teamed! Nobody cared about his drinking. It was the blue cheese dressing and bar-b-q sauce from the chicken wings that upset everyone. Remember former reality TV personality Nicole Richie? She will star in a pilot for a new half-hour comedy series. We here at NCV have a title: “Two-And-A-Half Minutes Before It’s Canceled!” Congratulations Chelsea Clinton! The daughter of former President Bill Clinton and current Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is engaged to be married! NCV suggests giving the best man a cattle prod to zap Bill when he hits on the bridesmaids. The groom’s father just got out of prison. Chelsea’s dad was an impeached president. The gene pool needs cleaning! The debate over health care reform is on with heated discussions and flaring tempers! The Senators almost missed their 4:30 naps on Wednesday! Nancy Pelosi had to delay her forehead tuck until after dinner and is demanding to be treated the way “any President of the USA should be treated!” Reminded she is NOT the leader of the free world, Ms. P. replied, “Says who?” Now please take a moment to watch the trailers for Taylor Mason's the newly released Thou Shalt Laugh 4, and consider ordering it from the link below as part of your holiday gift-giving this year. Among his other comedy DVDs what would make fine gifts are "Thou Shalt Laugh," "Thou Shalt Laugh 2" and "Thou Shalt Laugh 3," plus two episodes of the hit comedy series “Bananas.”
And also read Taylor's Here's a Thought columns:
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