Jokes for Folks: Sanford and Sons

South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford is the latest politician to be caught in a sleazy extra-marital affair. He spent Father’s Day with his mistress in South America after his wife kicked him out of the house. He still has a chance to run for president as a Republican, but only if he can prove he was introduced to the “other woman” by Sarah Palin.

Sanford is desperate. The GOP is asking him to resign as governor. Mark has gone as far as to apologize for the way he treated Aunt Esther of the old Sanford and Son TV show.

North Carolina Democrat John Edwards is ecstatic. His response to Sanford’s getting caught: “Thank you!”

The unrest in Iran has not completely dissipated, and President-elect Mahmoud Ahmadinijad told the international press that President Obama should keep his fingers out of Iran's affairs. In a related story, the president of Argentina said that President Obama should keep South Carolina governors out of Argentine affairs.

Our president has been very good when he’s in front of the camera, as witnessed last week when Mr. Obama swatted an annoying fly during a televised Q&A. North Korea and their leader Kim Jong il has continued threatening the USA with a nuclear confrontation. Here at NCV, we feel our president needs to be aggressive and forceful in dealing with the insanely weird Mr. il. We suggest the White House staff paint little pictures of the North Korean dictator on houseflies.

President Obama also signed the anti-smoking bill that will give the Food and Drug Administration unprecedented authority to regulate tobacco. His hand was shaking until Joe Biden gave him a fist bump while secretly passing the chief a nicotine patch.

Rosie O’Donnell has managed to fall upstairs after a series of disastrous career choices, and landed a hosting job on a new morning radio show for SIRIUS XM Radio. You might hear what sounds like static if you tune in, but it's actually the sound of SIRIUS/XM management scraping the bottom of the barrel in an effort to get some revenue.

Thumbs up to actor Lou Diamond Phillips, who was declared the winner of I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here! It was worth it for the grand prize: he moved back up to the A-List in tinseltown, and doesn’t have to do shows like I’m A Celebrity… any more.

We have more from Hollywood. In an attempt to boost TV ratings, the Oscar committee has announced it will now nominate 10 movies for a “Best Picture” Oscar, as opposed to five. Reactions from the major studios in Los Angeles followed one train of thought: “DARN IT! Now we have to make 10 good movies a year? Impossible!”

The Cleveland Cavaliers were so disappointed by their showing in the NBA Play-Offs this past season; they went out and traded for Shaquille O’Neal. The shockwaves have been felt far beyond the NBA. Nike has ordered a quarter-mile of felt and foam rubber to start making a Shaq puppet for their popular television commercials.

From New York comes this story: the Naked Cowboy says he plans to perform in his hometown of Greenhills, Ohio, despite complaints from a local politician that his white briefs are “indecent.” We have a different take on “indecent.” The really indecent thing is that the only job available in Ohio is for a guy playing guitar in his underwear.

American Idol judge Randy Jackson turned 53 this week. That’s 289 in Dogg years.

And Michael Jackson, “The King of Pop,” died. No. We’re not going there.

Taylor Mason is a comedian, a musician, a ventriloquist and a writer (he can’t seem to hold a real job). He has headlined every major comedy club in the United States, and has played Carnegie Hall and The Sydney Opera House in Australia. He has been part of two Emmy-winning television programs, including his children’s TV show, “Taylor’s Attic.” He is featured in comedy DVDs "Thou Shalt Laugh," "Thou Shalt Laugh 2" and "Thou Shalt Laugh 3," plus two episodes of the hit comedy series “Bananas.” Taylor works a mind-boggling 200 nights a year, in front of every kind of audience, and has managed to stay married for the past 22 years to his wife, Marsia. They have two teen-aged sons and live in New Jersey (the only state in America that uses air freshener … outdoors).

Also Check Out Taylor's Here's a Thought columns:

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