Jokes for the Folks: Irate, Therefore Iran

Another politician admits to having an affair. Republican John Ensign of Nevada has been forgiven by his wife, and has learned the bitter truth: “What happens in Vegas stays on the front page of The Washington Post.”

Say it ain’t so! Sammy Sosa, the once-popular home-run hitting outfielder for the Chicago Cubs, has been fingered as one of the “104” in “The Mitchell Report,” which says Sosa tested positive for steroids in 2003. Unfortunately, Mr. Sosa testified before Congress that he never used the chemical enhancer. With that kind of track record for dishonesty and unethical behavior, the only thing for Sammy to do is run for public office and get right back to Washington where he belongs.

The FDA is warning American consumers that Zicam nasal spray can permanently damage the sense of smell. Upon hearing the news, New Jersey residents raided every drug store in the state, buying up the entire available product.

New York City, as always, is in the news. According to a recent survey, the angriest and most aggressive drivers in the country can be found on the streets of Manhattan. When asked about these findings, a New York cabbie cursed us and kicked us out of his taxi.

But the better story comes from a jail official in the city that never sleeps, who has resigned after allowing a bar mitzvah at a downtown lockup. Actually, it was not a bar mitzvah, but a behind-bars mitzvah.

Neither of those news flashes compares to the New Yorker who put on a dress, a wig and makeup, then tried to impersonate his dead mother, with the intent to collect a social security check and rent subsidies. He was caught when he punched out a love struck government clerk who asked, “How’s it going, toots?”

The world is questioning how 40 million handwritten ballots could have been counted in about 30 minutes, which resulted in the re-election of President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad of Iran. Protests are still going on, as Iranians send tweets and text messages around the globe, citing the government’s aggressive suppression tactics. People are very angry Adam Lambert didn’t win.

Twitter has become the number one tool for young people in Iran to get information out to the world about the demonstrations, the violence and the election fraud. It has also become the number one way for young people in the USA to learn where Iran is.

Get well wishes from NCV to Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, who fractured her right elbow after a fall in Washington, DC. Bill is happy – that’s her throwing arm.

President Obama killed a fly with his hand during a conference last week, prompting PETA to send the White House a device that allows users to trap a house fly and then release it outside. Mr. Obama has requested more of the traps, on a much bigger scale, to use on Republicans and Fox News Channel personalities. PETA is out of control. I wore a leather jacket last week, when a PETA agent reprimanded me. “Did you know a cow was murdered so that you could wear that jacket?” she asked. I said, “Yes.” Then I added, “I thought I had eliminated all the witnesses.”

Our president gave his longest speech yet this week, speaking for 56 minutes to the American Medical Association. He would have gone the full 60, but his HMO cuts off at 56.

And the Mayor of Toledo, OH, is giving parking tickets, as he is allowed to do by law, to people who park their cars in their own driveways. Park where you’re supposed to park, people! This is Ohio! Leave your cars on the turnpike, or at least on I-475!

Taylor Mason is a comedian, a musician, a ventriloquist and a writer (he can’t seem to hold a real job). He has headlined every major comedy club in the United States, and has played Carnegie Hall and The Sydney Opera House in Australia. He has been part of two Emmy-winning television programs, including his children’s TV show, “Taylor’s Attic.” He is featured in comedy DVDs "Thou Shalt Laugh," "Thou Shalt Laugh 2" and "Thou Shalt Laugh 3," plus two episodes of the hit comedy series “Bananas.” Taylor works a mind-boggling 200 nights a year, in front of every kind of audience, and has managed to stay married for the past 22 years to his wife, Marsia. They have two teen-aged sons and live in New Jersey (the only state in America that uses air freshener … outdoors).

Also Check Out Taylor's Here's a Thought columns:

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