Jokes for the Folks: Hasta La Beetsa, Baby

Maria Shriver, the First Lady of California, is following the lead of Michelle Obama and is planting a vegetable garden on the Capitol grounds in Sacramento. Asked for his opinion, Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger said, “Hasta la beetsa baby!”

Ex-Boston Celtic Larry Bird, and Hollywood mega-director Steven Spielberg received honorary degrees from Boston University last week.  The two have much in common: Spielberg directed The Color Purple, and Bird humiliated it.

Senate Democrats told President Obama they will not close the Guantanamo Bay prison without a plan for placing prisoners. Naturally, here at NCV we have some suggestions! How about a new NBC reality show – “I’m An Extremist Detainee… Get Me Outta Here!” or “Terrorists Have Talent!”

As reported in JOKES FOR THE FOLKS before and just after the last presidential election, the best way for the Republican Party to appear intelligent is, DO NOT SAY ANYTHING AT ALL. Conversely, the best way for the Democratic Party to look foolish and lose credibility, is to let Joe Biden and Nancy Pelosi keep babbling.

For many fans of the hit television programs “Lost” and “24”, both ended with disappointing final episodes, leaving lots of open-ended questions and little resolved for next season. However, many of the loyal “24” followers were thrilled when, at the end of the show, FBI agent Renee Walker handcuffed Janeane Garafolo to a post. There is a rumor Walker may waterboard Janeane. Stay tuned for the exciting first installment next year!

"American Idol" ended in controversy, when apparent favorite Adam Lambert was voted runner-up. He plans to quit musical theater and pursue a solo recording career, ending speculation he may star in a one-man show re-creating young Liza Minelli. Our favorite moment during the A.I. finale was the singer’s rendition of Johnny Cash’s “Ring of Fire,” which ex-Idol winner Clay Aiken said made his ears “bleed.” This prompted Gene Simmons of KISS to text message Aiken, asking Clay if he can teach Gene how to do that.

Bruce Springsteen has agreed to play the final concert at New Jersey’s Giants Stadium before it’s torn down after the upcoming 2009 NFL season. Once again, the crack staff here at NCV has a better idea: book all the really bad contestants from "American Idol" for a huge concert, and let fans tear the structure down as they try and claw their way out!

How about the 11-year-old boy in Utah who tried to get an entry in the Guinness Book of World Records by covering his face with 43 live snails? No word from Guinness yet, but the facial escargot attempt was condemned by – you guessed it – PETA: People for the Ethical Treatment of Appetizers.

Sad news from the happiest place on earth: the actor who voiced Mickey Mouse in movies, on television and in theme parks for more than 32 years, has passed away. Anticipating throngs of mourners, Disney World and Disneyland staffers say you must be at least 4 feet tall to attend the funeral.

This is not a pretty story, but after much deliberation, the staff here at Jokes For The Folks decided to go with it: astronauts aboard the international space station drank the first batch of recycled water. The gross part is where they get the recycled water from, which is their sweat, condensation from their breath and (sorry, but it’s the truth) their urine. As usual, we here at NCV have an idea to help NASA make some money on the process. If that water is actually drinkable and safe? Brand it under the name PEE-RIER!