Jokes for the Folks: David Letterman, Meet Don Imus

Carrie Prejean, the ex-Miss California, claims her title was revoked because she refused to pose for Playboy. We don’t understand her reasoning. Sure, okay, she’s Christian, but we have it on good authority that her private parts would have been covered by Donald Trump’s hair.

As for The Donald, he says Prejean was fired because she violated her contract and endorsed outside organizations without authorization. The one that upset the real estate tycoon most? Carrie’s endorsement of “People For The Ethical Treatment of Christian Apprentice Losers.”

The WHO (World Health Organization – not the band!) has declared a swine flu pandemic, making it the first global flu epidemic in 41 years. Who is the one culprit spreading the germs? Ironically, it turns out to be none other than Vice-President Joe Biden, who cannot seem to keep his mouth shut.

Not to be outdone, Newt Gingrich came out guns-a-blazing at a Republican fundraiser saying, “President Obama has already failed!” The Republican Party is like an old Chevy Impala, driving down the freeway at 38-miles-per-hour, its right blinker on, and nobody at the wheel.

At a town hall meeting in Green Bay, Wisconsin, this past week, President Obama said that Americans could reduce the cost of health care by taking better care of themselves. WAIT A MINUTE! I thought that was the Republican health care plan! Next Mr. Obama will be telling us that the best way to become a millionaire is to save $100,000-a-year for ten years. And the best way to avoid starvation is to eat.

We heard a rumor that executives at GM in Detroit were contacted by Kim Jong-il of North Korea, who gave them this advice: “Turn your factory into a nuclear facility.”

The ConAgra Plant near Raleigh, NC, exploded, resulting in fatalities and critical injuries to many employees. This is the factory that makes Slim Jims, and we at NCV were not surprised to learn that some of the injuries were caused by toxic fumes that were released after the place went up in flames. Those toxins were caused by 34,000 gallons of ammonia, which is used to make the popular spicy meat stick. On the plus side, Kim Jong-il has offered to buy up the machinery that is left at the ConAgra Plant, so that he can diversify his nuclear warhead facility to double as a Slim Jim factory. “The ingredients for a nuke and a Slim Jim are the same!” claims the North Korean wacko.

A Minnesota psychologist has surrendered her license to practice after she was accused of taking a patient shopping and then billing it as “therapy.” Sarah Palin immediately called the Republican National Committee and asked if there was still time to change her story.

Speaking of the Alaska Governor, we know that David Letterman descended into Don Imus-land due to jokes about Ms. Palin’s daughter this week. We tried to find some humor (The Palin’s are working on a new show: “I’m A Celebrity – Snowmobile Me Outta Here”) but it’s hard to find something funny about a pro-baseball superstar raping a 14-year-old girl. Sorry. We don’t go there. And the excuse that the 62-year-old talk show host “didn’t know which daughter she was” is lame. (Right – he wouldn’t make fun of a 14-year-old getting raped, but an 18-year-old! That’s okay?!)

Lame, too, is Mr. Letterman’s pathetic invitation to the governor to come on his show to be lambasted in person. When did David Letterman (whom I have been a fan of since his daytime TV show) become a parody of himself?

Taylor Mason is a comedian, a musician, a ventriloquist and a writer (he can’t seem to hold a real job). He has headlined every major comedy club in the United States, and has played Carnegie Hall and The Sydney Opera House in Australia. He has been part of two Emmy-winning television programs, including his children’s TV show, “Taylor’s Attic.” He is featured in comedy DVDs "Thou Shalt Laugh," "Thou Shalt Laugh 2" and "Thou Shalt Laugh 3," plus two episodes of the hit comedy series “Bananas.” Taylor works a mind-boggling 200 nights a year, in front of every kind of audience, and has managed to stay married for the past 22 years to his wife, Marsia. They have two teen-aged sons and live in New Jersey (the only state in America that uses air freshener … outdoors).

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