Columns

It snowed last night. Snow is a curse. Snow is evil. Snow is what happens when the atmosphere solidifies and falls on your head.
To all expectant moms, I’d like to say: Welcome to the New Normal.
Winter is clearly here, but it's not just the weather that's been getting colder. Some recent news stories reveal a good amount of frost seeping into society, as well.
This year I’m asking extra help from God on the requisite “get in shape” resolution. I’m praying for the metabolism of a hummingbird. Is that so wrong?
Here it is, as concise as I can make it: 10 rules that will see you (and me) through 2009 and beyond.

Relationships

Southern Fried Christmas

December 10, 2008
My family’s northern tribe will soon trek to our southern tropical climate, and there will undoubtedly be a quibble over which is better: a traditional Christmas with fresh snow or a sunny, warm weather holiday season.

Christmas Spotlights

December 02, 2008
When we moved into a neighborhood that boasts an outdoor holiday lighting contest, it sounded like fun. Then I met my neighbor, a.k.a. the “Christmas Enforcer.”

Shoppers, Phone Home

November 25, 2008
If Steven Spielberg filmed the movie “ET” today, he’d have the alien phone home from a grocery store. His cell phone glued to his ear, he’d ask someone from his planet whether he should bring back the “virgin or the extra virgin olive oil.”

Dueling Thermostats

November 13, 2008
I avoid cold. My husband dislikes heat. But it seems that Solar Woman and Ice Man are forever bound by marriage.

Parenthood, the Investment

November 06, 2008
As a profit-seeking enterprise, the investment we make in raising our kids would bring Dow Jones to its knees.

From Your Child’s Teacher, With Love

October 30, 2008
Dear Parent, I'm sorry for singling out your child. It’s just that when he carved the “F”-word into his desk, I felt the need to speak to him about it.

Your Bathtub or Mine?

October 23, 2008
The Cialis ads with a couple sitting happily in their own bathtubs raises the question of how they got those tubs outside. Did they drag them there? In my house, that kind of heavy labor is a real mood killer.

Pork ’n Beans Maintenance

October 10, 2008
My husband drives a car I’ve dubbed “The Landfill.” He refers to mine as “The Sterilizer,” and swears that a crime scene investigator couldn’t find trace evidence in it.

Hello again, Mr. Uh--!?

September 29, 2008
If you think about all the people whose names you’ve forgotten in your life, it can be quite embarrassing. You run into them years later without recognizing them, and they have to remind you that you once saved their life by providing a kidney.

The Sign Solution

September 23, 2008
When I joined the at-home work force, I thought my biggest problem would be the demands of the new job. I didn't expect it to be my husband's music.