Jokes For The Folks: Walk Softly And Carry A Big Stick

The Christmas shopping season is here, like it or not, and toy manufacturers are hoping that parents will still find money to buy gifts for the kids. The National Toy Hall of Fame did its part, naming this year’s new inductees: The Baby Doll, the skateboard and the stick. Yes, the stick is considered a toy. Apparently the rock and the leaf are not yet considered toys, but we at New Christian Voices believe the museum wanted to recognize the stick before it was completely replaced by the Wii Stick.

Electronic retail giant Circuit City has filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection. Lawyers for the company actually filed a couple of weeks ago, but in a classic case of “that’ll teach ya!” it took 14 days to find a judge to wait on them.

Police in Jensen Beach, FL, arrested a man after he tried to steal communion wafers during a Catholic Church service. He was charged with battery, theft and disruption of a religious assembly, and is expected to be sent "a-WAFER" 6 months.
 
Citigroup announced a moratorium on most foreclosures as part of a series of initiatives aimed at helping at-risk borrowers remain in their homes. The company sent a letter to President Bush replying to his request, but they explained his house is not being foreclosed.

We have lots of stories about our President-Elect, Barack Obama. Senator Diane Feinstein will be overseeing the inauguration, and she is asking internet sites like eBay not to sell scalped tickets for the big day, which are supposed to be distributed free to the public. Feinstein is trying to keep the Republican Party from buying all the tickets and filling the audience with Sarah Palin look-alikes. Senator Obama visited the White House last week for his first post-election meeting with President Bush. Their meeting lasted about an hour, was very cordial, and what did the big broadcast media focus on? The President’s dogs! White House reporters are still yapping about the Bush’s dog Barney, who bit a reporter who tried to pet him. We suggest that Senator Obama bring Joe Biden along to keep Barney occupied. Actually, Washington insiders say Vice President-Elect Biden’s role in the Obama administration will be defined as “good cop” to offset “bad cop” Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel. That’s like saying Sean Hannity offsets Rush Limbaugh!

One of the biggest differences in the campaign was the internet, and having built the most extensive database ever seen in politics, Barack Obama now says he will communicate with the electorate directly via the web on certain sensitive issues. Meanwhile, the Republicans report that, starting immediately, they’ll be perfecting smoke signals and something called the telegraph.

Heart researchers have found that listening to music can cause your blood vessels to open up much the same way they do after taking statins and ACE inhibitors. The first thing we realized is, if Keith Richards doesn’t lose his hearing, he could live forever!

ABC announced that Tina Fey and Michael Phelps are two of the people appearing on Barbara Walter’s “10 Most Fascinating People of 2008” TV special. The economy has obviously affected ABC just like the rest of us. Fey will also appear as Sarah Palin.

Some 5 million Californians dropped to the ground, covered their heads and held on to furniture during what was billed as the largest earthquake disaster drill in U.S. history. The record will be broken on January 20th when millions of Republicans will assume the same position during the inauguration.

Taylor Mason is a comedian, a musician, a ventriloquist and a writer (he can’t seem to hold a real job). He has headlined every major comedy club in the United States, and has played Carnegie Hall and The Sydney Opera House in Australia. He has been part of two Emmy-winning television programs, which include his children’s TV show, “Taylor’s Attic.” Taylor works a mind-boggling 200 nights a year, in front of every kind of audience, and has managed to stay married for the past 22 years to his wife, Marsia. They have two teen-aged sons and live in New Jersey (the only state in America that uses air freshener … outdoors).