Jokes For The Folks: Pirates

So much happened this week it’s impossible to try and make sense of it all. The Obama administration is looking at ways to overturn any last-minute moves by the Bush Administration to relax regulations protecting endangered species. Which explains why General Motors announced it is changing its name to “Spotted Owl, Inc.”  

The car companies are really suffering in this worldwide recession. GM and Toyota announced they will cut production at their plants in Thailand, which is a big disappointment to those of us waiting for the specially-designed combination Buick-Oldsmobile, called the “BO-Thai.” This all took place before the Big 3 Automaker CEO’s flew private jets from Detroit to Washington, DC, and begged for $25 billion. We couldn’t help but notice that half a world away, pirates from impoverished Somalia are capturing oil tankers and holding the fuel ransom, often earning hundreds of millions of dollars. Our suggestion to the automakers is to seek a loan from the pirates! They’re running their business a lot better!

Arizona Governor Janet Napolitano is Barack Obama’s choice for the Secretary of Homeland Security position. Why? The President-Elect hopes her name is enough to scare terrorists who watched “The Sopranos.”

There is lots of grumbling from Democrats and Republicans alike, as Mr. Obama has appointed many holdovers from the Clinton Administration to his cabinet. Next up: Hillary Clinton as Secretary of State. When confronted with his campaign promise of “change,” but the appearance that his cabinet is made up of the same old politicos, Obama responded right away. “What I meant was that old saying: the more things change, the more things remain the same.”

We were quite taken with the story of the 14-year-old girl who lived for months in a Miami hospital until a suitable heart was available for transplant. Wow! Blessings to her family! Now she has a fighting chance to grow up and become Vice President.

And New Christian Voices congratulates the International Space Station on its 10th Anniversary of being placed in orbit. To celebrate, astronauts currently living there sang “Happy Birthday” and then let a cake float away.

Another celebrity romance breaks up. Paris Hilton and ex-boyfriend Benji Madden have broken up. Madden plays in a band with his brother Joel, who has a daughter with Nicole Richie. As usual, Ms. Hilton has managed to give People Magazine an entire issue.

Sean “Diddy” (or didn’t he?) Combs will play a prosecutor for two episodes of “CSI: Miami.” We can’t wait! The high point will no doubt come when Combs and David Caruso try to go the longest without taking off their sunglasses.

Des Moines, Iowa, has a really nice zoo. Last week a flamingo escaped from its enclosure and was tracked down six hours later on a local golf course. Officials had a tough time wrestling it from a hack golfer, who claimed it was his first … “BIRDIE.”

The wildfires out in California have caught everyone’s attention. Montecito is home to Oprah Winfrey, who says the first thing she’d save would be her dogs. We can just picture it: Oprah standing at her front door and getting the dogs attention by yelling, “You get a bone! You get a bone! Everybody gets a bone!”

On the opposite coast, Atlantic City’s casinos ended their one-month ban on smoking. Business had really suffered, and customers were leaving because, when the smoke had cleared, people realized they were in Atlantic City.

Taylor Mason is a comedian, a musician, a ventriloquist and a writer (he can’t seem to hold a real job). He has headlined every major comedy club in the United States, and has played Carnegie Hall and The Sydney Opera House in Australia. He has been part of two Emmy-winning television programs, which include his children’s TV show, “Taylor’s Attic.” Taylor works a mind-boggling 200 nights a year, in front of every kind of audience, and has managed to stay married for the past 22 years to his wife, Marsia. They have two teen-aged sons and live in New Jersey (the only state in America that uses air freshener … outdoors).