Jokes For The Folks: Eau de State U

Let’s start with sports. The president of the WNBA says the Houston Comets team will be shut down and will soon disband. This is not uncommon in the Women’s National Basketball Association, a league being propped up by television revenue and political correctness. But the related story is what caught our eye. In Detroit, where the winless Lions were humiliated on Thanksgiving Day, fans shouted, “Hey, can you shut down and disband your team?”

Congratulations to the space shuttle Endeavor, which landed in the California desert on Sunday following a successful 16-day mission with the international space station. It landed at 4:25pm Eastern time, and headed for California, not due to weather problems as reported, but because everyone in Florida had already gone to bed.

On Monday, President-elect Barrack Obama named Hillary Clinton as his Secretary of State. Congratulations, Senator! She is the perfect choice: familiar with deceit; she knows corruption; she knows blatant lies.  But enough about being married to Bill. For his part, ex-President Clinton agreed to disclose the names of all of the donors to his foundation since 1997. Bill made the decision after showing a number of donors how easy it is to temporarily change your name to “John Smith.”

Retailers are saying that crowds of shoppers did show up on the Friday following Thanksgiving, but their purchases were smaller than hoped for. I picked up a couple of great deals.  I got a new TV, a car company’s old corporate jet, and a bankrupt insurance company.

Traveling this holiday? I’m too frightened. I don’t know which is worse: going to Mumbai, India, where you have to watch out for terrorists, or going to Long Island, New York, where you have to watch out for Wal-Mart shoppers.

Here at NCV, we are on the lookout for those stories that just can’t be true, but are. Some perfume developer has created a cologne for Penn State alumni and fans that is said to smell like the school’s campus. Let us save you some cash, folks. Do you want a fragrance that will smell like your alma mater? Roll around in some pizza and then dump cheap beer on yourself. Voila! Eau de State U.

Officials in the town of Soap Lake, Washington, are trying to boost tourism by installing the world's largest working lava lamp in the center of town. What do you call a 50-foot-tall psychedelic symbol of the 60s? Woodschlock.

Hundreds of people paid $9 admission to watch as several hundred overripe pumpkins were dropped from a second-story balcony at the Cradle of Aviation Museum in Garden City, N.Y. I guess people will buy anything, and yet not one of them could be convinced to watch Rosie O’Donnell’s new variety show for free. Ms. O’Donnell canceled her latest venture after one airing, which drew something like five viewers. Sticking with what she knows best, Rosie’s next show will be a professional wrestling extravaganza called “Barbara Walters Smackdown.” We’ll watch that!

After spending 55 days living in a truck trying to win a brand-new one, two contestants accepted $10,000 from the radio station sponsoring the contest. The contest was closely monitored by the Treasury Department, which is now considering a similar deal that would let people live in trucks due to foreclosures.

MTV will host and broadcast the “Be the Change Inaugural Ball” on January 20th. President-elect Obama is expected to make an appearance right after the Secret Service sweeps the ballroom and is absolutely certain that no one is hiding Ozzie Osbourne.