Jokes for the Folks: Happy Birthday, O!

Oprah Winfrey turned 55 years of age this week, and NCV wishes her many happy returns. This is a milestone for the popular talk show host, because from now on, whenever she buys a new mansion in an exclusive part of town, she gets the $2-off  “Senior Discount.”

Speaking of seniors, the AARP selected Frost/Nixon as 2008’s best film (as if anyone really cares). It’s not that big a deal because there weren’t any good movies other than Gran Torino. How bad was this year’s crop of Hollywood films? Second place in the AARP movie list was the trailer for Frost/Nixon.

In New York City, wives and girlfriends of bankers who have been affected by the economic crisis formed a support group called “Dating a Banker Anonymous.” They meet once a week for brunch and drinks. We suggest they pitch it as a new show for ABC-TV: Sex and the Pity!

We were all waiting for this one: those wacky Taliban leaders issued a statement last week, saying President Obama’s plan to close the Guantanamo Bay Prison Camp was a “positive step.” Something for our newly elected leader to hang his hat on: support from our mortal enemies! That would be like the Steelers telling the Cardinals “we love the idea that you’re only rushing 3 defensive lineman. Good job!”

Even in the depths of a recession, the NFL can still count on getting theirs. To wit, a 30-second commercial during the Super Bowl costs $3 Million. Who negotiated this rip-off? Bernie Madoff?

Speaking of commercials, State Farm Insurance pulled their business out of Florida, because the state will not allow them to charge the appropriate premiums for properties. I can just hear the ads: “Like a good neighbor ... State Farm is in Georgia.”

More from Florida: a group of teen-agers proudly took credit for wrapping Bernard Madoff’s Florida mansion in toilet paper, retaliating for losing their trust funds in his Ponzi scheme. The only people angrier than the kids were their parents, who said that the toilet paper they wasted was their new trust fund.

The Postmaster General told Congress that massive deficits could force the post office to cut Saturday delivery. Showing him the kind of respect only Congress can muster, upset members in the Senate and the House immediately began sending cell phone text messages to their PACs, lobbies and donors.

Out in San Diego a judge declared a mistrial in a kidnapping and assault case after the defendant smeared excrement on his lawyer’s face and threw it at jurors. No better way to show everyone you have your personal thing together! The lawyer did return to the courtroom after cleaning up, but the judge sent him home because he still looked a little ... flushed.

So the Mars rover, Spirit, was acting erratically all week. Scientists at NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory are trying to figure out why, but we know the answer. Look, the rover is clearly excited about finding all that Martian ice, and it’s been doing wheelies and donuts on it ever since!

Gene Roddenberry, who created “Star Trek,” and his wife Majel Barrett Roddenberry will be launched into space in 2010. Will they boldly go? Or go boldly?

Finally, the Consumer Product Safety Commission announced a voluntary recall by Discount School Supply of its Jesus Fish Beads due to a lead paint violation. Not to get nit-picky, but Discount School Supply’s Jesus Fish Beads also violates the separation of Church and TASTE.