The Raving Redhead: Tea Party Invite

Hey! Wanna go to a Tea Party?

Have you been ticked off the whole time you’ve been paying taxes, and you just conveniently decided to wait until Obama was elected to speak up? Then, Tea Par-tay!!

Before deciding to attend, there are some criteria you should meet:

1. Be happy with everything Bush did, but mad at Obama for some of the same stuff. (This works best if you start off by just being mad that Obama won! Bitter, in fact. That’s even better! Bitter is Better, haha!)
2. Make sure to redefine “the REAL America” – it’s not the majority who voted for Obama, of course. They don’t count! And you’re certainly not counting. Be mad at them, too.
3. The Tea Party resembles a social event, but with signs. Dress casual. Preferably mom jeans and a teddy bear t-shirt. Or something with a flag, to show that you are a real American, and “they” are not. (Make sure you make a big deal about anyone who doesn’t constantly wear the flag in some form.) A t-shirt with Obama in a turban works, just as well! Multi-tasking clothing is always a good thing! (One or more of your signs should call Obama a Muslim, a socialist, or some other really unpopular thing in your social circles. “Terrorist” works great! Boldness of accusation is appreciated!)
4. Be convinced that your taxes didn’t go to anything you disagreed with when Bush was President. Oh yeah, and, health care was perfect then, too, of course. And Willy Wonka was handing out gold tickets. Believe that, too.
5. Be sure you talk of Christian love a lot, except where Obama is concerned, of course, or if it involves giving money to our government to help others. Then, venom about socialism and/or government control/interference is appropriate. Always. (We all know that the government should only control/interfere in our lives when we are making very, very private decisions about our own bodies! Duh!)
6. Facebook/Twitter strategy: (The technically challenged may skip this step, but this is an important PR move for those who are online a lot.) Say lots of encouraging, uplifiting, and positive things and quote Bible verses and mention prayer a lot – unless it’s about Obama or the Democrats. Then you can say whatever you want, and be sure that you’re not ever, ever positive about anything the President or Democrats do or say.
7. Try to shame anyone who recalls the eight years of Bush as imperfect and/or as having any impact on the country. At all. Repeat that Obama has had a WHOLE YEAR to fix our country’s problems, A WHOLE YEAR. Laugh off any real attempted analysis of how we got here. Deflect all problems OFF Bush and ON to Obama. Happy happy joy joy!
8. Revisionist history skills are helpful here; remember to repeat things, mantra-like, such as Bush was a Christian, Obama’s a Muslim (always a good “conversation” starter), and pretend Bush won the war when he announced he did.
9. Say and write “NObama” a lot. Like, I mean, a LOT. It NEVER gets old, heh heh.
10. Act mavericky.

If you can meet these, (and a few other, unspoken criteria), you are INVITED!!!

YOU are the REAL America. Let’s keep it that way.

Teresa Roberts Logan wishes that Christians and/or Conservatives would give Obama HALF the grace that they gave Bush, or even Pat Robertson, for that matter. She is a comic and an artist. You can buy her Bananas DVD (45 minutes of uproarious Teresa humor! Guerrilla street comedy! Skits!) at GuardianStore.com and her other funny stuff on at Zazzle.com and at the links below. 

Check out her NVC blog and read more of Teresa's The Raving Redhead columns:

• Let Them Eat Cake
• Crazy Ol' Coot!
• Sugar-Free
• Obama v. Jesus
• Mary Magdalene's Bad PR
• I Don't Care
• Sir Cajun Rhythm
• Thanksgiving, Schmanksgiving
• That Posin' Palin
• Traffic/Joke Court, Part 2
• Traffic/Joke Court, Part 1 (Because It’s that Freakin’ Big a Story)
• Facebook Addiction (Revisited)
• Zombies Alive! (Revisited)
• The Pamphlet of Job
• Five a Day? Shut Up!
• Food Matters
• Potato Chips and Sister-Friends
• Fly-Coup Rhymes with Haiku
  
• Transparency and Our Friend Jeff
• Jumping Off Point
• Travelin' Goobers, Part Two
• Travelin' Goobers, Part One
• Be Encouraged, I'm a Failure
• “Little Ladies” Backlash
• No Matter What Barbra Sez ...
• Priorities and Art
• Cartoon Column #1
• TV's New Reality
• Begging for Grace
• Faith of a Child
• To an Unknown God
• "Opposite" Beauty
• The Customer is Always Ticked
• 'Pictures' of Jesus
• Translucent Nerds and Other Hazards of Being Human
• Dreamin’ a Dream
• Christian v. Christian
• The Countess and the Cryptkeeper
• Almost Famous
• “God Hates [BLANK]?”
• Apology Excepted
• Open Letter to Rush