Martha's Laugh Lines: Old Cards, New Rules

The bill that Congress passed to limit the excessive charges and tactics that some credit card companies have been using in the past has now gone into effect. Credit card companies have long feared this day, and some of them have made a pre-emptive strike, raising interest rates and tightening the rules on faithful, pay-on-time customers. In some instances, the customers' interest rates have doubled.

For weeks now, some credit card issuers have been notifying their customers informing them that by keeping the cards, they are now "agreeing" to their new credit card terms, despite whatever action has been taken by Congress. You may have found these "new terms" spelled out in small print inserts included in your monthly statements.

If you haven't read them, here is just a sample of what might be awaiting you in these credit card notifications of "Changes of Service":

Late fees will no longer be imposed should your payment be received by our offices later than 28 days after your billing cycle ends. We will now require a kidney.

We have the right to call you as many times as we so choose. And to call you names, if applicable.

We may contact you by mail, telephone, e-mail, text, tweak, skywriting, or we may opt to move in with you.

We may call you using an automated dialing device or a bullhorn outside your bedroom window.

We may contact you at home, or at your place of employment, or at your child's birthday party disguised as a clown.

We may contact you on your cell by regular dialing, automated dialing, or by lightning.

We may contact you at any time of the day or night, as well as on weekends and holidays. On Christmas morning, we could arrive with Santa. We also reserve the right to repossess Rudolph if Santa does not comply with the new policies.

We may contact you with any frequency as we so choose. Once a day, once a hour, once a minute, or we might never hang up once we get you on the phone.

We may leave pre-recorded messages on your answering machine, as well as with others, including your mother-in-law. We have her on speed dial.

We can tell whoever answers the telephone the nature of our call. This includes "wrong number" calls.

As your balance goes down, we will lower your monthly payment to ensure that said balance will never be paid off in your lifetime or in the lifetime of your heirs.

Speaking of heirs, following your death, they will be responsible for this bill to us. Don't think that a little rigomortis is going to get you out of your obligation to us.

Your monthly payment will continue to be at least 25-cents shy of what it would take to keep you from incurring an over-the-limit charge of $39.00. This is to help you become a more disciplined consumer. You can thank us later.

Okay, so the fine print doesn't say all of this in these exact words, but you still might want to read those inserts just to make sure.

Martha Bolton is an Emmy- and Dove-nominated writer who is the author of over fifty books, including Didn’t My Skin Used to Fit? and Cooking With Hot Flashes. Check out Martha's Zazzle.com store and her titles available below and at the New Christian Voices Clean Comedy Store. She is not yet on Twitter, (though you can follow her via NCV on Twitter), but she does have a Facebook Fan Page.

Read Martha's other recent Laugh Lines columns:

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Martha's Laugh Lines: Old Cards, New Rules

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	Home Features Humor Relationships Faith Entertainment Society Blogs Columns Online Bible NCV's Writers's Guidelines Search Columns Here’s a Thought: The Jersey Shore By Taylor Mason I wouldn’t know anything about the MTV show “Jersey Shore.” But "the shore," as we call it, is a big part of our lives. ... Martha's Laugh Lines: "Oh, Yeah?" By Martha Bolton I'm a non-confrontational person. It takes me a long time to even realize when someone has been rude or hurtful to me, and even longer to address it. Here’s a Thought: Christian Scientist Monitor By Taylor Mason Separation of church and state: I get it, I’m for it, I’m not even questioning it. But I don’t get the separation of science and church. Time Out: I So Don’t Scream By Cara Garretson Ice cream, that quintessential summer treat loved by all. Except me. It hovers around the bottom of my Top 10 Treats list. Here’s a Thought: Backtalk By Taylor Mason It takes place the middle of July every year, at a non-descript hotel in an obscure suburb of Cincinnati. It is a convention of ventriloquists. Home » Column » Martha's Laugh Lines: Old Cards, New Rules Martha's Laugh Lines: Old Cards, New Rules February 26, 2010 By Martha Bolton The bill that Congress passed to limit the excessive charges and tactics that some credit card companies have been using in the past has now gone into effect. Credit card companies have long feared this day, and some of them have made a pre-emptive strike, raising interest rates and tightening the rules on faithful, pay-on-time customers. In some instances, the customers' interest rates have doubled. For weeks now, some credit card issuers have been notifying their customers informing them that by keeping the cards, they are now "agreeing" to their new credit card terms, despite whatever action has been taken by Congress. You may have found these "new terms" spelled out in small print inserts included in your monthly statements. If you haven't read them, here is just a sample of what might be awaiting you in these credit card notifications of "Changes of Service": Late fees will no longer be imposed should your payment be received by our offices later than 28 days after your billing cycle ends. We will now require a kidney. We have the right to call you as many times as we so choose. And to call you names, if applicable. We may contact you by mail, telephone, e-mail, text, tweak, skywriting, or we may opt to move in with you. We may call you using an automated dialing device or a bullhorn outside your bedroom window. We may contact you at home, or at your place of employment, or at your child's birthday party disguised as a clown. We may contact you on your cell by regular dialing, automated dialing, or by lightning. We may contact you at any time of the day or night, as well as on weekends and holidays. On Christmas morning, we could arrive with Santa. We also reserve the right to repossess Rudolph if Santa does not comply with the new policies. We may contact you with any frequency as we so choose. Once a day, once a hour, once a minute, or we might never hang up once we get you on the phone. We may leave pre-recorded messages on your answering machine, as well as with others, including your mother-in-law. We have her on speed dial. We can tell whoever answers the telephone the nature of our call. This includes "wrong number" calls. As your balance goes down, we will lower your monthly payment to ensure that said balance will never be paid off in your lifetime or in the lifetime of your heirs. Speaking of heirs, following your death, they will be responsible for this bill to us. Don't think that a little rigomortis is going to get you out of your obligation to us. Your monthly payment will continue to be at least 25-cents shy of what it would take to keep you from incurring an over-the-limit charge of $39.00. This is to help you become a more disciplined consumer. You can thank us later. Okay, so the fine print doesn't say all of this in these exact words, but you still might want to read those inserts just to make sure. Martha Bolton is an Emmy- and Dove-nominated writer who is the author of over fifty books, including Didn’t My Skin Used to Fit? and Cooking With Hot Flashes. Check out Martha's Zazzle.com store and her titles available below and at the New Christian Voices Clean Comedy Store. She is not yet on Twitter, (though you can follow her via NCV on Twitter), but she does have a Facebook Fan Page. 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