Columns
Here’s a Thought: Opening Act
By Taylor Mason
For those of you not familiar with how I roll: I’ve been a comedian for 25-plus years and been an “opening act” for a variety of performers. Some highlights. ...
Here's a Thought: Death by Cancer
By Taylor Mason
My sister-in-law passed away last Thursday, felled by cancer after a seven-year battle. She was a dignified, lovely, inspiring wife and mother who beat the odds over and over again.
Time Out: Safety ‘Net
By Patty Elder
Summer in DC means storms, and storms mean power outages. And power outages bring out my worst fear, and it's NOT the dark. ...
Here’s a Thought: Hot Enough for Ya?
By Taylor Mason
The heat was debilitating this summer, so much so that the word “hot” doesn’t do justice to the grades of temperature we've sweated these past few months.
Time Out: Make Yourself at Home
By Cara Garretson
It’s beach week, and so far so good. We bust into our rented beach house and it looks great – the bathrooms are sparkling, the décor is charming, the kitchen is retro. ...
Martha's Laugh Lines: "Oh, Yeah?"July 23, 2010
By Martha Bolton
I'm a non-confrontational person. It takes me a long time to even realize when someone has been rude or hurtful to me, and even longer to address it. Not weeks. Not months. I'm talking years. And believe me, your defense loses a lot of its punch when you call someone twenty years later and say, "Oh, yeah?" There are advantages, though, to being slow at the comeback. It gives you time to think through your responses. It's probably the comedy writer in me. Comedy writers and comedians want to come up with the wittiest and most concise comeback possible. ("Oh, yeah?" is concise, but it lacks a lot in the wit department.) Comedy writers want every word in their comebacks to count. We wouldn't even mind getting a laugh or two with them, either, so we take our time with our responses. They could come quickly to us, but we usually wait until they're perfect. Sometimes I wish I was one of those people who are skilled at quick-witted responses. Like when Bessie Braddock told Winston Churchill, "Winston, you're drunk!", and he responded with, "Bessie, you're ugly. And tomorrow morning I'll be sober, but you'll still be ugly." By the time I come up with my witty responses, not only is the rude or bullying person long gone, but he or she has already moved on to the next person to insult or intimidate. What I need is a class that could help me with my problem, something like "Comebacks 101." But so far, I haven't found a university or college offering it. One of the hottest books on the market right now, though, is "Diary of a Wimpy Kid." I just bought a copy for one of my grandsons, and he devoured every page of it in about two days. I wish there had been a book like that for our generation. We didn't have the benefit of wimp camaraderie. We had to wimp along all alone. But the popularity of these books just goes to show you that there are plenty of us out there. Grown adults who can't speak up for themselves. It's a problem with a lot of us. So I'm thinking I might ask to borrow the book from my grandson one day soon and read it for myself. It's either that or wait until Diary of a Wimpy Adult hits the bookshelves. But the crowds might be too overwhelming for that one. I'd still wait for it, though. And don't even think of cutting in line to get your copy of it ahead of me. If you do, you'd leave me no choice but to look you right in the eye say, "Oh, yeah?!" ...about five years later. Don't say I didn't warn you!
Martha Bolton is an Emmy- and Dove-nominated writer who is the author of over fifty books, including Didn’t My Skin Used to Fit?. Check out Martha's Zazzle.com store and her titles available below and at the New Christian Voices Clean Comedy Store. She is not yet on Twitter, (though you can follow her via NCV on Twitter), but she does have a Facebook Fan Page.
Read Martha's other recent Laugh Lines columns:
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